give it up, turn it loose

the power went out at work today and left us with no internet connection. as the web girl it means i’m sitting at my desk with nothing to do but listen to the music in my itunes library and blog. so, i hit the shuffle button and leaned back to enjoy whatever tunes blasted through my earbuds.  what did i get but an old favorite by en vogue!

“fact of life, love can often hurt you. leaving scares on this life.” i actually don’t know what that last bit says because i can’t quite make it out but i will say that the first part is spot on! life is this crazy mix of all kinds of awesome and awful, miraculous and monstrosity, triumph and tragedy. you can be up one day enjoying the view from the top of the world and at the bottom the next with the world on top of you. things can change in the blink of an eye. it’s impossible to truly know what tomorrow brings. i used to spend a lot of time trying to plan tomorrow. thankfully i’ve learned to give that up. now, i just plan for tomorrow, no matter what it brings.

i make no secret of not being completely happy with how things have turned out in my life. overall things are great and i have little room to complain. but there are some very key areas that i saw going differently in my life plan. i just turned 32 and while i still look and feel fabulous, i was sure i’d be like many of my other friends and trading stories of what life was like before the kids came!

not only have the children not arrived, the husband has completely eluded me. it doesn’t quite make sense to me as i’ve done all the things you’re supposed to do if you want to get married. i look and dress the part, i stay busy and active, i’m healthy and financially secure and i get out there and meet people to increase my chances of connecting with a great man. so what’s the problem? i don’t know but i’m making it a point in the coming year to give it up and turn it loose. there is clearly no formula for success as people have found and lost love in all kinds of ways. my new motto is if i can’t control it, i can’t worry about it. i want to spend the next year of my life living worry free. it seems like a seriously daunting task as my nature as a planner includes worrying about things that lack a solution.

but no more. at least, i’m going to try to release my need to control and plan for it all.   i was somewhat successful at this in 2010. i want to take it to the next level in 2011. so, say it with me ladies; GIVE IT UP, TURN IT LOOSE!

i know how to make my dreams come true

there is a popular quote you might have heard that goes a little something like this, those who can, do …. i won’t finish because i vehemently disagree with the second half of the quote. and basically it’s unimportant. the point is that if you can, you do. if you can’t, you don’t. but how true is it?

right now i’m eager to make a few things happen in my life. and i keep hearing if you put it out there, it will come back to you. as if somehow me just wanting something to happen is going to make “the universe” conspire with me to make it happen. sounds a little too hocus pocus when you put it that way. but i believe there is some truth to it.

i am a christian. i don’t apologize for it and i don’t care to argue with anyone who disagrees with my belief that jesus christ is the son of God and the savior of the world. (yes superman totally ripped jesus’ persona off, but i love him anyway!) as a christian i believe that my words are life giving and when i speak a thing, that word goes out and is accomplished. but there must be action on my part beyond speaking what i want. i have to do something to make it happen.

so as i think about the changes i want to see in my life, i make a plan to make my dreams come true. i know that it requires me to meet people and learn things and attend events and WORK! the universe doesn’t care if i’m happy or unhappy. i have to make my own happiness. i have to go out and make my dreams come true. and the more i put it out there and back it up with action, the more likely it is to happen.

that is not to say things will always work out the way you want them to. on the contrary, a lot of things in my life have had completely different end results than i predicted. like me being single at 32! but that is the great thing about life. your story is being written until you take your last breath. and if you’re lucky and lived right, your story is being told long after you’re gone.

the year is quickly drawing to a close and i have to say there are some key steps i need to take to make my dream of advancing my career now a reality. i will be spending the next few weeks on the grind, so to speak, until i see the fruits of my labor. i’ll be honest, i do know how to make my dreams come true, and right now, i’m about to get busy so you can see it happen!

Plans change, things change

We have been away from you a long time and it is mostly because some times life happens and it can be completely overwhelming, unrelenting and unapologetically demanding. You know the saying, “life is what happens when you’re planning.”

It is so easy to focus on making plans for your life that you don’t take advantage of your opportunities t0 truly live. I recently celebrated my 31 birthday. As a woman, I have wrestled with the whole aging thing. Most women seem to go into a panic when 30 approaches – mostly because the plans they have carefully laid out have not come to fruition. Some women are just at odds with the aging process. I believe I find myself somewhere in the middle.

I have always been an ambitious person. I wanted to be the first black woman Supreme Court Justice when I was in middle school. I’ve always wanted to be a national best selling author. Lately, my desire is to leave a legacy of improving the lives of girls and young women around the world. I told you I was ambitious!

The older I get the more I realize that my values have changed. I used to want the societal standard for success that included a fabulous husband, a prestigious position, the beautiful house for entertaining and the luxury vehicle. Now, I want people to know that my passion and heart is improving the lives of little girls and giving them an opportunity to let the world know they existed by helping them tell their stories. I want to see them educated and valued and given the ability to rise above poverty and abuse. My heart aches for them and I want the world to pay attention.

If you would have asked me at 21 where I saw myself in a decade, the answer would have been far from my current reality. I am not married to a fabulous man though it is my heart’s desire. I have a great job but I see work as a way to fund the things important to me as opposed to a ladder to climb. I am not a mother but I am a rockstar auntie! I drive the same car I had in college and tinkerbell and I still have great times together. When I replace her in a few months, it will be with a car that I pay cash for and not the fancier SUV that I initially wanted.

I have changed. Things in my life have changed. The plans I had for my life have changed. The more I make peace with that the more I realize what a truly amazing life I live. I don’t have all the things I saw myself with at 31 but I wake up everyday loving who God made me and the blessings I have in the people I surround myself with daily. I recognize that it’s far more important for people to talk about the difference I make than the clothes I wear or the car I drive or my address.

Those aren’t things you talk about when you’re in college working toward a degree. The goal of higher education is to create more minions for the rat race. I’m happy to say I’ve dropped out of that race and directed my life toward more important goals. I’m glad I realized that it’s okay for plans to change, because things change.