What happens when we take off our mask and acknowledge to others that we are hurting…struggling…and trying to make it just like they are. How different would the church be and by that I mean it’s people.. if we talked about the things that kept us up at night…drove us to drugs..unhealthy abusive relationships..poor eating habits…emotional eating…sex…alcohol…obessions…How different would our romantic life be if we took the time to truly deal with the things that we’ve been running from?
That would require us taking off our mask and breaking down the walls we put up as a means of protection and we can’t do that because…maintaining image at all cost is a by any means necessary situation driven by the fear of being “found out”! That thing steers the car down the road of self-preservation and dying on the inside but smiling on the outside because we can’t be found out…We are afraid to be vulnerable because of the hurt…riddicule…shame..of whatever it is that we are going through and sometimes people are messy and will only try to kick you when your down…so there lies our justification for being a hallowed out shell of ourselves…However…those same carnival barkers…. lukers…lookie loos…and instigators are probably just as bounded up and wounded…so they are acting out of their own pain and emptiness…
What would happen if we got free enough to take off the mask with our friends…the church…the people we mentor…What would happen then? How would our relationships be improved and strengthened? If we said I’ll hold your hand while you pull off the band-aid because I know it’s going to hurt… and know I know that your in pain and I will be here…What would happen then?….
So the flood gates have been open and I’m just recalling a lot random things… One of the questions that someone I knew would often ask is what’s the purpose of prayer? “Isn’t it just asking Elohim to do things for you…Like he is a slot machine? I can’t get with just asking him for stuff”…
I don’t know what led me to look up prayer vs. mediation now but I’ve also been talking about this subject with others… so maybe that’s it. This person…didn’t pray they mediated and all of my studying on energy and other things has taken me on an interesting journey … so I decided to look up somethings about these two words along with the definition of the words.
I really like words and finding the meaning and origins behind them. When you know a words root it really puts things into context and allows you to frame things differently…or changes your understanding of the word….Words are powerful…and I respect them….I don’t know about you…but my mother would not tell me how to spell things when I asked…Her response was always what are the first 3 or first 3 letters of the word and from there I had to go grab the dictionary.
Here are some of the things that I found….
prayer 1 (prâr)
n.
1.
a. A reverent petition made to God, a god, or another object of worship.
b. The act of making a reverent petition to God, a god, or another object of worship.
2. An act of communion with God, a god, or another object of worship, such as in devotion, confession, praise, or thanksgiving: One evening a week, the family would join together in prayer.
3. A specially worded form used to address God, a god, or another object of worship.
4. prayers A religious observance in which praying predominates: morning prayers.
5.
a. A fervent request: Her prayer for rain was granted at last.
b. The thing requested: His safe arrival was their only prayer.
6. The slightest chance or hope: In a storm the mountain climbers won’t have a prayer.
7. Law
a. The request of a complainant, as stated in a complaint or in equity, that the court grant the aid or relief solicited.
b. The section of the complaint or bill that contains this request.
Definition of MEDITATE
intransitive verb
1
: to engage in contemplation or reflection
2
: to engage in mental exercise (as concentration on one’s breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness
transitive verb
: to focus one’s thoughts on : reflect on or ponder over
“To say that “prayer changes things” is not as close to the truth as saying, “Prayer changes me and then I change things.” God has established things so that prayer, on the basis of redemption, changes the way a person looks at things. Prayer is not a matter of changing things externally, but one of working miracles in a person’s inner nature” .http://utmost.org/the-purpose-of-prayer/
Prayer is beseeching something outside of the self
Prayer allows us to minister to our God by coming to him in adoration, praising and worshiping him. Prayer puts God to work on our behalf because we have now made our requests known to him and he is obligated to answer us by his word. Our prayer authorizes God to respond to our needs and change things on our behalf. Prayer releases God to bring his will to earth and establish his kingdom on earth.Prayer allows us to hear the voice of God and receive direction and correction that will enable us to become powerful spiritual warriors. Prayer acknowledges God then he can direct our paths and order our steps. Prayer builds a hedge of protection around us. It gives us power and dominion over the works of the enemy.http://blogs.christianpost.com/prayer/2009/12/the-purpose-of-prayer-25/
It is not to get what we want, but what God wants.It is not to convince God to change his mind, but for him to change our minds.It is not to have our will done in heaven, but for God to have his will done on earth.
Prayer is the means by which we praise God for who he is, ask him for forgiveness, and thank him for everything he’s given us.
We are to bring all of our concerns to him, but we know that what we want is not always best for us or for anyone else. That’s why Jesus said, “Not my will, but yours,” when he was praying to the Father.
As my wife likes to say, God is not a genie in a bottle. He doesn’t operate by our commands. He has a long-term plan for the earth and all its inhabitants.
As, I’ve finally gotten a chance to breathe and break from studying…and process some things even more…I thought I’d blog it out, which means that this will probably be all over the place but I’m fine with that. I am a student…a perpetual one but I am student none the less and the lessons that I’ve been learning in the life classroom have had me both in my heart and head…quite a bit…It’s nothing deep or super profound because there is nothing new under the sun but when you find your truth or self in those cliched life sayings it’s…interesting…Forgiveness sprinkled in with letting go and fear have been the lessons that I can’t escape no matter where I go…forgiveness and letting go seem to be the sledge-hammer that break away fear and move you past the pain. However, getting to that place of forgiveness and letting go takes time…it is truly a work…because it requires releasing and reliving the anger…the questions…..the regret…the should’ve/could’ve/would’ve’s… and all the pain…
Letting go is like pulling back an onion because there are so many layers and triggers that go along with it…A lot of us let go of things but we don’t really deal with the fall out of letting things go, because it triggers all of the things previously mentioned… there are side effects to letting go….In addition to that our lives continue to go on and there are people who depend on us and things that we must deal with so there is no time to sit on the sidelines and truly deal with all the things that letting go and walking in true forgiveness require… Or so we think but not dealing with those things has a tendency to seep into other areas of our life, but we don’t recognize it because it’s masked as other things. As, I’ve been getting the tools necessary to walk the walk and process the pain… My sisters and I having been studying different things in regards to energy…spirituality patterns…etc…and one of the things we’ve been talking about is how our emotional pain manifest physically in our bodies…
Below, I will share some articles that talk about the correlation between our emotional and physical pain (I’m also going to recommend the book Black Pain by Terrie Williams). There is an author by the name of Louise L. Hay that writes about this subject from a spiritual perspective and I’ll share somethings from her book and other articles. For example, Black women typically tend to suffer from fibroids and cyst in very large numbers…so as I was searching for the correlating connection that Ms. Hays draws with this particular type of pain to the spiritual …. She asserts that this type of pain emerges from dealing with nursing the hurt from a partner or dealing with a blow to the feminine ego… When I think about how many of us have been victims of abuse, rape, molestation, physical violence, heartbreak, and rejection then it is easy to see how the feminine ego can be bruised or damaged. When any of those things happen to Black women usually, we don’t take the time to deal with it via counseling…inner healing classes…or reporting it to the authorities. We suffer in silence and those suppressed emotions show up in the form of fibroids.. high blood pressure..obesity…heart disease and anything else you can think of it…It is easy to see how not dealing with these things can trigger other conditions that you think or strictly based on your diet…but those things are stressors which impact your body as well. In her book Mrs. Hay states that it requires one to release the pattern in them that attracted the experience…For pain the origins are guilt because guilt always seeks punishment…and her response to that is to lovingly release the past because they are free and you are free and all is well in your heart. Her book covers so many different things and if its something that you think you can dig then check her out…
Looking at the connection between emotional pain and its physical manifestation is a very interesting topic and it makes sense to me on some levels. And I can relate to it…because I got some news that while I had a feeling it was coming so I wasn’t totally surprised…. I expected a different outcome with certain parts of the information. So when my..head…heart…and emotions started to really connect with it on all levels I couldn’t really process it….and I felt the pain physically in my body…and even today there is still some residual fall out… I couldn’t eat… or even drink water at one point because it hurt…It has caused me to drop weight like I was trying to make the cut for a boxing match….so I have no other choice but to deal with it because I’m over going to the doctor and I don’t want to continue to be in bondage or a slave to that experience and the pain it has caused me. I am finding and being my own sunshine and I’m thankful for the man and people I have in my life who are helping me.
When I take this theory into consideration and once again examine how disproportionately Black people are effected by so many diseases according to the stats…If you buy that hype.. then I can see it…When you consider that Black people traditionally don’t seek out mental health counseling…may not have access to proper health care…money and time to cook a healthy diet…or they only taking their issues to the father so they don’t take any classes that deal with inner healing because their churches don’t offer it.. or we simply don’t tell our business… We don’t have time to sit and process how we feel about things because life is still going on it is an interesting thing. It’s like a perfect storm for disease to reign in our lives…I know that now I’m doing my part like never before to keep and maintain my sunshine…. because I needed out of the physical…spiritual…and mental prison that we are all capable of putting ourselves in when we’ve been hurt beyond our understanding and what we think our hearts can take….Especially when I think about the pain that life has given me over the course of the last 4 years but especially these last few months. This work in progress is getting much better and I’m almost there…Once I get this thing licked…Watch Out!!!
Letting go and this forgiveness thing is not easy because you can fall into the mental traps that love keeping you bound…Therefore keeping your energy positive and your attitude in check is apart of the process…hitting the pain with forgiveness and letting go are the sledge-hammer that breaks the fear and pain away from you…It must be done because you need to get FREE….Sometimes it’s a daily thing and you have to speak it maybe not to the person but just saying that you forgive_____and you choose not to be hurt or angry…is a must until you aren’t affected by it…We have to learn to not walk in our past experience but to let it go…because on the other-side of it is relief and freedom…chant it until it becomes your reality…write it until it becomes your truth…step out on faith…and believe that your higher power can help with the pain. Remember that it is deeper than not just speaking to someone or ignoring the situation totally…if it you don’t want to carry that baggage or pain around you’ve got to make an effort to let it go… and trust that the rest will fall into place….While it can be a struggle releasing it is the only way to let go because if not…it might be done for you in a way or manner that you weren’t expecting…so….You can either Pick at the band-aid or rip it off..It may not happen when you want it to but it will happen…so brace yourself and have a support system because you will need it.
“You gotta stand up for yourself, forgive people and decide to let the pain go”…
“Most people who hurt you leave you there to fix things on your own”…
“People get hurt and wait around for the person who hurt them to heal their emotions”…
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you”. Lewis B. Smedes
“Forgiveness is God’s invention for coming to terms with a world in which, despite their best intentions, people are unfair to each other and hurt each other deeply. He began by forgiving us. And he invites us all to forgive each other.” Lewis B. Smedes
“None of us wants to admit that we hate someone…When we deny our hate we detour around the crisis of forgiveness. We suppress our spite, make adjustments, and make-believe we are too good to be hateful. But the truth is that we do not dare to risk admitting the hate we feel because we do not dare to risk forgiving the person we hate.” Lewis B. Smedes
“Forgiving does not usually happen at once. It is a process, sometimes a long one, especially when it comes to wounds gouged deep. And we must expect some lapses…some people seem to manage to finish off forgiving in one swoop of the heart. But when they do, you can bet they are forgiving flesh wounds. Deeper cuts take more time and can use a second coat.” Lewis B. Smedes
“I am certain that people never forgive because they believe they have an obligation to do it or because someone told them to do it. Forgiveness has to come from inside as a desire of the heart. Wanting to is the steam that pushes the forgiving engine.” Lewis B. Smedes
“Spoken forgiving, no matter how heartfelt, works best when we do not demand the response we want. I mean that when we tell people we forgive them, we must leave them free to respond to our good news however they are inclined. If the response is not what we hoped for, we can go home and enjoy our own healing in private.” Lewis B. Smedes
i recently made the decision to become completely debt free. i’ve always known that credit card debt and car debt were bad debts, but most accept student loan debt and house debt as par for the course. i pretty much accepted it too. but i was talking to my friend about tightening up my finances – no they aren’t in shambles but we can always be better – and i got to thinking. why should i accept that debt is a way of life, even so-called good debt? especially when i could make the decision to live debt free?
my friend told me about his system and what he does to manage his money and i got inspired. so i signed up for the financial peace university so i can learn how to get cracking on kicking sallie mae out of my house and get in position to buy a house debt free or really close to it!
i’ll start by saying facing debt is no easy task. it is hard work depending on the type and amount of debt you have. but it’s not impossible. and when you’ve confronted it and dealt with it, the outcome is worth it. can you imagine what your life would be like without a car payment, house note or student loan? aw, it sounds like bliss to me! and so i began my journey. it’s about taking baby steps and i’m just getting started but i’m excited about what my life will be like seven years from now. i’ve taken a few minutes to count the cost of my life and decided i don’t want debt to have any place in it. to celebrate my success, i’m taking a trip around the world.
the power went out at work today and left us with no internet connection. as the web girl it means i’m sitting at my desk with nothing to do but listen to the music in my itunes library and blog. so, i hit the shuffle button and leaned back to enjoy whatever tunes blasted through my earbuds. what did i get but an old favorite by en vogue!
“fact of life, love can often hurt you. leaving scares on this life.” i actually don’t know what that last bit says because i can’t quite make it out but i will say that the first part is spot on! life is this crazy mix of all kinds of awesome and awful, miraculous and monstrosity, triumph and tragedy. you can be up one day enjoying the view from the top of the world and at the bottom the next with the world on top of you. things can change in the blink of an eye. it’s impossible to truly know what tomorrow brings. i used to spend a lot of time trying to plan tomorrow. thankfully i’ve learned to give that up. now, i just plan for tomorrow, no matter what it brings.
i make no secret of not being completely happy with how things have turned out in my life. overall things are great and i have little room to complain. but there are some very key areas that i saw going differently in my life plan. i just turned 32 and while i still look and feel fabulous, i was sure i’d be like many of my other friends and trading stories of what life was like before the kids came!
not only have the children not arrived, the husband has completely eluded me. it doesn’t quite make sense to me as i’ve done all the things you’re supposed to do if you want to get married. i look and dress the part, i stay busy and active, i’m healthy and financially secure and i get out there and meet people to increase my chances of connecting with a great man. so what’s the problem? i don’t know but i’m making it a point in the coming year to give it up and turn it loose. there is clearly no formula for success as people have found and lost love in all kinds of ways. my new motto is if i can’t control it, i can’t worry about it. i want to spend the next year of my life living worry free. it seems like a seriously daunting task as my nature as a planner includes worrying about things that lack a solution.
but no more. at least, i’m going to try to release my need to control and plan for it all. i was somewhat successful at this in 2010. i want to take it to the next level in 2011. so, say it with me ladies; GIVE IT UP, TURN IT LOOSE!
there is a popular quote you might have heard that goes a little something like this, those who can, do …. i won’t finish because i vehemently disagree with the second half of the quote. and basically it’s unimportant. the point is that if you can, you do. if you can’t, you don’t. but how true is it?
right now i’m eager to make a few things happen in my life. and i keep hearing if you put it out there, it will come back to you. as if somehow me just wanting something to happen is going to make “the universe” conspire with me to make it happen. sounds a little too hocus pocus when you put it that way. but i believe there is some truth to it.
i am a christian. i don’t apologize for it and i don’t care to argue with anyone who disagrees with my belief that jesus christ is the son of God and the savior of the world. (yes superman totally ripped jesus’ persona off, but i love him anyway!) as a christian i believe that my words are life giving and when i speak a thing, that word goes out and is accomplished. but there must be action on my part beyond speaking what i want. i have to do something to make it happen.
so as i think about the changes i want to see in my life, i make a plan to make my dreams come true. i know that it requires me to meet people and learn things and attend events and WORK! the universe doesn’t care if i’m happy or unhappy. i have to make my own happiness. i have to go out and make my dreams come true. and the more i put it out there and back it up with action, the more likely it is to happen.
that is not to say things will always work out the way you want them to. on the contrary, a lot of things in my life have had completely different end results than i predicted. like me being single at 32! but that is the great thing about life. your story is being written until you take your last breath. and if you’re lucky and lived right, your story is being told long after you’re gone.
the year is quickly drawing to a close and i have to say there are some key steps i need to take to make my dream of advancing my career now a reality. i will be spending the next few weeks on the grind, so to speak, until i see the fruits of my labor. i’ll be honest, i do know how to make my dreams come true, and right now, i’m about to get busy so you can see it happen!
We have been away from you a long time and it is mostly because some times life happens and it can be completely overwhelming, unrelenting and unapologetically demanding. You know the saying, “life is what happens when you’re planning.”
It is so easy to focus on making plans for your life that you don’t take advantage of your opportunities t0 truly live. I recently celebrated my 31 birthday. As a woman, I have wrestled with the whole aging thing. Most women seem to go into a panic when 30 approaches – mostly because the plans they have carefully laid out have not come to fruition. Some women are just at odds with the aging process. I believe I find myself somewhere in the middle.
I have always been an ambitious person. I wanted to be the first black woman Supreme Court Justice when I was in middle school. I’ve always wanted to be a national best selling author. Lately, my desire is to leave a legacy of improving the lives of girls and young women around the world. I told you I was ambitious!
The older I get the more I realize that my values have changed. I used to want the societal standard for success that included a fabulous husband, a prestigious position, the beautiful house for entertaining and the luxury vehicle. Now, I want people to know that my passion and heart is improving the lives of little girls and giving them an opportunity to let the world know they existed by helping them tell their stories. I want to see them educated and valued and given the ability to rise above poverty and abuse. My heart aches for them and I want the world to pay attention.
If you would have asked me at 21 where I saw myself in a decade, the answer would have been far from my current reality. I am not married to a fabulous man though it is my heart’s desire. I have a great job but I see work as a way to fund the things important to me as opposed to a ladder to climb. I am not a mother but I am a rockstar auntie! I drive the same car I had in college and tinkerbell and I still have great times together. When I replace her in a few months, it will be with a car that I pay cash for and not the fancier SUV that I initially wanted.
I have changed. Things in my life have changed. The plans I had for my life have changed. The more I make peace with that the more I realize what a truly amazing life I live. I don’t have all the things I saw myself with at 31 but I wake up everyday loving who God made me and the blessings I have in the people I surround myself with daily. I recognize that it’s far more important for people to talk about the difference I make than the clothes I wear or the car I drive or my address.
Those aren’t things you talk about when you’re in college working toward a degree. The goal of higher education is to create more minions for the rat race. I’m happy to say I’ve dropped out of that race and directed my life toward more important goals. I’m glad I realized that it’s okay for plans to change, because things change.
As a single lady often you are told to keep busy and not to focus on the fact that you are single, because you need to enjoy your single season. It is your duty as a single lady to keep busy and active so that you can totally relish in being able to do what you what when you want. Ahh..the freedom…At least that’s what I’ve heard consistently from different men and women. My question is “what do you do while you’re in transition waiting to meet Mr. Right”
My response to that question is a two part response; I believe that you must be active in your community, interests, hobbies, but you also must be actively dreaming. Dreaming about what you might ask? I believe you should be actively dreaming about what you want your present life situations to be and your future. Not only should you be dreaming but you should actively be making those dreams a reality.
Write your dreams out and start making them happen slow, fast , steady at any pace that’s good for you and is going to kick start you into being a living embodibment of a woman living her dreams. When we live our dreams we are a tangabile reflection to our sisters that anything is possible if we put some action behind our dreams. We don’t have to wait for a Mr. for life to begin or for our dreams to come true.
Questions:
What are your dreams for your current situation and your future ?
What are you doing to make them come true?
Have you taken the time out to write you dreams down?
What happens when we take off our mask and acknowledge to others that we are hurting…struggling…and trying to make it just like they are. How different would the church be and by that I mean it’s people.. if we talked about the things that kept us up at night…drove us to drugs..unhealthy abusive relationships..poor eating habits…emotional eating…sex…alcohol…obessions…How different would our romantic life be if we took the time to truly deal with the things that we’ve been running from?
