To my warrior

This blog post is merely an ode to my warrior and all of the things that he is and will be to me because of the lessons learned through his life experiences. It is a glimpse of how he’s come to gain his strength and knowledge  because he’s learned these truths.

“When a warrior learns to stop the internal dialogue, everything becomes possible; the most far-fetched schemes become attainable”. Carlos Castaneda

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles, and less than perfect conditions. So what! Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled more and more self-confident, and more and more succesful”. Mark Victor Hansen

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart is true strength”. Unknown

“It takes more courage to reveal insecurities, than hide them”… Alex Karras

“Our strength grows out of our weakness.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

” You don’t develop courage by being happy in your everyday relationships. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversities”.Epicurcus

“The key to change is to let go of fear” Rosanne Cash

” Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them from illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to battle your demons, will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.” August Wilson

” Love is just a word until someone comes around gives meaning to it”. Unknown

To my warrior I say thank you for not hiding, having the courage to face yourself, and the strength to work through “it” even when its tough. I thank you for living these quotes and bringing meaning to the word love.  I thank you for letting go of the fear and resisting the temptation of holding on to old defense mechanisms that had you bound to things that once  were. I thank you  for  choosing to embrace your future and what will be. I thank you for loving me always no matter what the day brings. I thank you for your warrior spirit and mentality when it comes to living life and the challenges it may bring.  I thank you for holding me up and not shutting me out. I thank you for being real and my friend first and foremost. I’m so glad you know who you are because you’ve taken the time to get to know yourself and what you want out of life. I thank you for being a go-getter and not afraid to live life. I thank you for holding your head up high and being a real man who is sensitive to my needs and heart. To my warrior, my reflection, my friend, and my future husband…. I thank you and love you for simply being you.

How you sleep speaks to your relationship readiness

When I was in grad school many moons ago — okay it wasn’t that long ago, it just feels like it — my girlfriends and I used to get together and play card games, bake and crochet. I know, sounds like something out of the early 19th century but it was actually quite fun and very relaxing after the stress of grad school. One day after a game of Mafia, we started talking about girl life in the company of a few of our guy friends.

We talked about hair and clothes and some how the conversation turned to snoring and sleeping positions. Some people talked about sleeping on their backs and others talked about sleeping on their stomachs. I remember saying i had no idea how I slept because I went to sleep in one place and then woke up on the other side of the bed. Everyone laughed and some of the other girls confessed to being wild sleepers too. Then one of our guy friends, I don’t even remember who at this point, said something I would never forget. He told us that if we didn’t know how to sleep on our side of the bed we weren’t ready to get married.

Most of the girls laughed it off and kept the conversation going but I pondered what that meant for a long time. I even journaled about it that night. For the next few weeks I practiced sleeping on my side of the bed to no avail. I was a wild sleeper and always had been. Surely that didn’t mean I was subconsciously ill prepared for marriage? I’ve often thought about that conversation over the years and what it truly meant that I was incapable of sharing my bed with someone. Was I too selfish? Was I too unsettled? Was I too comfortable with my freedom? Was I too unwilling to relinquish control? Was I too hesitant to let someone else in my space? I didn’t really know.

It wasn’t until recently that I woke up and discovered that I had been sleeping on my side of the bed for quite some time now. I’ve had visitors to Seattle who had to share a bed with me and the typical morning conversation of, “you kicked me like 10 times last night,” or “you stole all the covers as usual,” never happened. My guests seemed rested and I had apparently maintained peace in the bed. Once the realization that I  could sleep on my side of the bed sank in, I understood what it meant.

Until this point, I hadn’t been ready to invite someone into my space. I valued my personal space so much that I occupied every inch of it. There was no room for anyone else. The bed is symbolic of the union of a man and a woman in marriage and I had failed to make room for a husband. I wonder how many other women have that problem? It’s one thing to desire a mate. It’s something else completely to live in a way that makes room for him to enter.

For instance, do you value your freedom to up and move whenever you want to wherever you want so much that you’re not willing to adjust to follow someone else? As you make plans for your life today do you think about how your plans could change in the future once you were married? I guess at the end of the day, I wonder if you see your future as married woman or do you always have a singular view of your future? It’s just something to think about.

Maybe sleeping on your side of the bed was never a problem for you. But for those of us who preferred to mark the entire territory, it might be helpful to evaluate why you can’t quite stick to one side. I have to say that once I realized I had conquered that small task, I noticed I was attracting more men to me. I’ve never been a male magnet and I won’t confess to being one now, but there is something quite attractive about a woman who is open to love. So, give it a try. Start sleeping on your side of the bed and see what happens.