On the flip side of things… I finally started to get the hang of not being so self-critical… apologizing and not explaining my intentions but sitting in it …fully embracing me and my coke bottle shape…exploring  spiritual…and  meditational balance…being open and aware about the type of energy that I’m putting out there…. Being…finding…and having…contemptment in my situation no matter how it looks… To be open and vulnerable even when it hurts and its the last thing I want to do….Along with  realizing that my failures and fears are not my identity nor are they my future…I can move forward and not be an indentured servant to my past. These quotes while similar in nature are powerful and are just as layered as we are…they are like scripture…being that there is at least 7 different interpretations of each one… they truly sum up my reflections from the year…I am expecting bigger…better and brighter things in the upcoming year ( which is technically in march/april) but I am expecting it to  start even before then and it is much welcomed…

                        “Accept everything about yourself–I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end–no apologies, no regrets”.–Clark Moustakas

“But an accurate definition of the self is impossible. You are more than you realize, more than you can define. And the more time you spend trying to nail down the definition, the less time you spend living right now. … Your past is not your identity… You, living now, is your identity.–George Lawrence-Ell (The Invisible Clock)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God! Your playing small doesn’t’ serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.–Marianne Williamson (A Return To Love)

“We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions” Percy Ian

“Freedom Time”

“Flawed and all I am a gift”

“Hear My Call”

“Unless your heart, your soul, and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty, and each action will be meaningless. Truth and confidence are the roots of happiness”.–Kathleen Pedersen

“Women are always being tested … but ultimately, each of us has to define who we are individually and then do the very best job we can to grow into it”.–Hillary Rodham Clinton

“ You need to claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all that you have been and done, which may take some time, you are fierce with reality”.–Florida Scott Maxwell

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens”.–Carl Jung

      That would require us taking off our mask and breaking down the walls we put up as a means of protection and we can’t do that because…maintaining  image at all cost is a by any means necessary situation  driven  by the fear of being “found out”!  That  thing steers the car down the road of  self-preservation and dying on the inside but smiling on the outside because we can’t be found out…We are afraid to be vulnerable because of the hurt…riddicule…shame..of whatever it is that we are going through and sometimes people are messy and will only try to kick you when your down…so there lies our justification for  being a hallowed out shell of ourselves…However…those same carnival barkers…. lukers…lookie loos…and instigators are probably just as bounded up and wounded…so they are acting out of their own pain and emptiness… 

   What would happen if we got free enough to take off the mask with our friends…the  church…the people we mentor…What would happen then? How would our relationships be improved and strengthened? If we said I’ll hold your hand while you pull off the band-aid because I know it’s going to hurt… and know I know that your in pain and I will be here…What would happen then?….

      As of late  my  focus has been on the energy that I’m putting out, mediation, and getting my thought life in order so I’ve been feeding myself with lot’s of awesome teachings in this area.  Of course I want to pass on some of those things to you all so I’m going to include the link to a series that has been pretty good…along with a quote.

“love gives up it’s right to be right” Joyce Meyer…

http://www.joycemeyer.org/BroadcastHome.aspx?video=I_Think_I_am_Right,_but_I_Could_Be_Wrong_–_Pt_1

http://www.joycemeyer.org/BroadcastHome.aspx?video=I_Think_I_am_Right,_But_I_Could_Be_Wrong_–_Pt_2

http://www.joycemeyer.org/BroadcastHome.aspx?video=Power_Thoughts_–_Pt_1 *this is a 4 part series but I’m only posting the first part.

For example  if  as a child you remember all the times your father promises to show up to your birthday party but doesn’t: this prompts you to work hard to be on your best behavior to make him see that you are  good and worthy of his time. The effect of this train of thought is that you are  always aiming to please your mother and others around you so  that he(they) will make the time for you. Therefore at an early age you learn to die to yourself and your feelings to make others happy in order to get some semblance of having your emotional needs met. It is amazing how at an early age we are able to process and rationalize this behavior ,which then becomes ingrained in us  throughout our lives…but in our minds sometimes we can or can’t figure out  how we  got this way or the impact of not having that emotional need met…is shaping or has shaped our adult relationships. Not having this need met causes us to act out in so many different ways…some that we recognize or don’t want to recognize. To change it and get the necessary healing or not…that’s a decision that’s up to you…This may or may not be your story but if you think about the childhood trauma or event that changed you or definitively  shaped  how you view people…relationships…and yourself…I bet you could get at the root of a lot of your pain…beliefs and behaviors. Now, as I flip this thing and think about romantic relationships  this quote is everything….

“Quit putting people on pedestals and getting angry when they don’t live up to your expectations”. A Laws

I love this quote because this has been at the heart of a lot of my man luggage. All of the men that I’ve truly cared about had the following traits: strongly family oriented no matter the family drama ;  actively engage in making their community better; considerate; rough and emotionally challenging upbringings; professional over-comers; unsure about self; incapable of truly communicating their feelings because at their core they where either protectors or always wanting to cover their shit because of their survival mode upbringing; yet seemingly decent caring guys; and on the verge of becoming men despite their age…because age doesn’t always equal maturity.

However, at their  core these were truly good guys…and I strongly believed that… so much so that it overrode any of the negative hurtful things they did because in a relationship it is seemingly impossible to never hurt the other person; we are perfectly imperfect flawed people who sometimes have bad days and carry around or experiences and our life  traumas in different ways, not to mention that I look at the whole picture and everything that shapes a man… or so I reasoned….Even when Yeshua and I were simply associates I’ve always been a pretty forgiving and introspectively reflective person always willing to cop to my short comings and trying to  honor the other person’s feelings. Therefore…even though I had been hurt greatly I could push through it…and look for the good….Even when the holy spirit was moving and I was made aware of things…and even despite patterns repeating I hoped beyond hope that this person was different but in reality they weren’t…Believing in people isn’t something that I will stop doing but I will be searching for balance… Balance…it is the key to every thing….which I’m coming to learn and understand because…..

The problem with this mode of thinking…believing…acting…and expecting is that the good always outweighs the bad and without even consciously realizing it that person has been  placed on a pedal stool. Your expectations of them are greater because you’ve seen them operate on a higher level of consciousness and caring in the worst situations…therefore when you are shown the other side and its things that you don’t want to see…believe or acknowledge as well…

How do you overlook someone enjoying being in an  environment were people thrive on drama… group think…doing messy and mean-spirited things to others…that it might  also be a slight indicator of who they are as well…Even if they  only enjoy being on the outskirts of it … Escapism…better them than me mentality…or a by-product of reality tv…I don’t know…maybe it’s nothing…IDK…It is amazing how reality tv has shaped our culture and social norms and is this attitude about participating in this type of environment our new norm  because now a sex tape…nude pictures with the right celebrity =money/fame/and some level of success…When you truly love the person you’re sending the pics or making the video with then hopefully it  will be a private thing between the two of you but now that money and celebrity are a part of the expectation  it’s a different animal…or maybe not…I guess in this case as with most you do what makes you happy and you can live with…Expectations are a bogga to deal with it…

The point is that expectations come with  certain desired  outcomes attached to them and if you are doing all that you can beholding to them for your desired outcome then when it  is met it is a wonderful thing but if it isn’t then the coping mechanisms you develop to deal with it take some time to undo especially if they are unhealthy.  I know that as I’ve been studying my patterns…energy…etc…the concept of accepting the cause and effect of expectations on a deeper level  a pattern has been revealing….Below you will find the definition of expectation which will hopefully make you think a little bit more about them and how you feel when they are met and aren’t…When dealing with people  hope for the best but prepared for anything because you never truly know what you will get…

Expectation

1. something that inspires or tends to inspire confidence <gave repeated assurances of goodwill
2. confidence of mind or manner : easy freedom from self-doubt or uncertainty; also: excessive self-confidence
3. the act of conveying real

Contemplation

1. concentration on spiritual things as a form of private devotion

2 :a state of mystical awareness of God’s being

Confronting Fear pt 1

Confronting Fear pt. 2

Confronting Fear pt. 3

Confronting Fear pt. 4

Confronting Fear pt. 5

 Did you ladies  know  that November is Diabetes Awareness Month?…here are two  articles on it…..

Julianne Malveaux: Let’s Talk about Diabetes

 

I  really like words and finding the meaning and origins behind  them.  When you know a words root it really puts things into context and allows you to frame things differently…or changes your understanding of the word….Words are powerful…and I respect them….I don’t know about you…but my mother would not tell me how to spell things when I asked…Her response was always  what are the first 3 or first 3 letters of the word and from there I had to go grab the dictionary.

Here are some of the things that I found….

prayer ¹ (prâr)

“To say that “prayer changes things” is not as close to the truth as saying, “Prayer changes me and then I change things.” God has established things so that prayer, on the basis of redemption, changes the way a person looks at things. Prayer is not a matter of changing things externally, but one of working miracles in a person’s inner nature” .http://utmost.org/the-purpose-of-prayer/

10 Basic Steps to prayer

http://www.tenbasicsteps.org/english/prayer/step4l1.htm

Meditation is looking inward for the answers.

Prayer is beseeching something outside of the self